The Candle still Shines RIP Abdulquadir Abdulazeez

In the wake of the sad news we received this morning, the entire Campus Herald Crew, commiserates with the YOUTENIANS Family, The U10MM Group, The Entire 300Level Class and the Department of Mass Communication, Ahmadu Bello University, Zaria on the sudden demise of, an Harbinger of Dreams, an Epitome of Future Glory, a Bearer of Worthy Visions, a Glowing Light in a Dark age, AbdulQuadir AbdulAzeez, U10MM1161. His Daparture to the World beyond is a blow to the hearts he touched with his Dreams and Visions. His Legacy will forever live on.

Here are some of the comments from Well-wishers. Follow the condolence on twitter and Facebook with the hashtag #RIP_Abdul

Abdulquadir Abdulazeez U10MM1161

Raphael Ehiabhi

He was one of those people that I could count on. though we argued almost every day, yet our bond grew stronger because we shared a single dream to cause a Change in the nation. I was always proud to call him a Lazy but Just boy. Abdulquadir Azeez was a true Nigerian, an Aluta birthed fellow.. Your Legacy shall forever be remembered.. #RIP_Abdul

Nana Aishah Muhammad

Today, I really wish u cld see dis. I may not hav gotten d chance to tell u how spcl u r evryday... I may not hav bin close wen u took ur last breath, I may not hav evn spoken to u dis morning. Bt in my heart I'll ALWAYS cherish our friendship. Nana will miss u a lot.. U knw dat right? May it be well wit ur soul. Ameen #Abdul

Idris A'isha

The news spread today in class that you were dead.. we were all confused and we are still in shock!! We love you soo much,buh we know God loves you more... May your beautifull soul Rest In Peace,our dear brother, friend and course mate! May God comfort your Family and Friends! Till we meet again, Abdulazeez..! Sun re o!

Aghogho Adodo

Yesterday we had lunch 2geda @coke village in sch,asked u y ur on drugs n u said its Ulcer,we discused abt it n even laughed ova it,u asked me if hav paid 4 I.t n wher I wud do it. I nver knew xterday ws d lst day I wud av lunched wit u.u were amongst d 1st pple I blended wit cos of ur calm nature.Rmemba hw I use 2 claim ur sit in clas n all u do is 2 smile..AbdulAzeez rest in peace

His Last BBM Update

Firdausi Shuaibu

Innalillahi wa innaillaihi raji'un. Abdullazeez... Is a broda, a frnd n a coursemate. May ur soul rest in peace n may Aljannatul firdaus b ur final abode. Ameen.
My dear brodas n sisters, lets always fear Allah n do d ryt thng 4there is nothing in dis world.

Jemimah Yusuf

RIP azeez,d whole clas of U10 wld miss u...... this is a wake up call 4all of us, it cld be anybdy at all, bt d fact we still livin is a chance 2re-evaluate our lives&live right&just!!!

 

 

Prince Hto Precioustwins

Now we see him
Later is no more
What's the essence of life?
A Questionk form of poetry.
Dedicated to AbdulAzeez, a friend and course mate who died at the early hour of this day.
May Allah, his God, forgive him his sins and make Al-janatul fridausi his final abode. Amin

 

Jibril Muhammed

May Allah in his infinite mercy grant him rest, may his grave be an abode of light & not darkness. May Allah(SWT) let him pass successful in all the stages of life after death. Ameen..RIP Abdulazeez..we really gonna miss u

Mamman Muhammad Danjuma

Salamun Alaikun... All the Staff and Student of Department of Mass Commucation, Ahmadu Bello University, Zaria. Please. Accept my heart felt sympathy over the sudden death of our beloved course Mate Abdullaziz Abdulkadir, his death is indeed a great loss not oniy to the family but to humanity in general. May his gentle soul rest in perfect peace and May Allah give u the fortitute to bear the irrepearable loss(Amin)

Muhammad Awwal Ibrahim

BY ALLAH IF U KNW WAT D GRAVE LOOK LYK U WIL NEVA SIN A DAY IN UR LYF. WE WENT WT HIM TO D GRAVE BT LEFT HIM ALL ALONE IN IT TO FACE QUESTIONS ALL ALONE, INDEED IT IS A SIGN AND WARNING FOR US D LIVING.DO GOOD WHILE ON EARTH COZ IT IS UR ONLY HELP IN D GRAVE. RIP TO ABDULAZEEZ AND ALL THE DEAD. TO ALLAH WE BELONG AND TO HIM IS OUR RETURN:

Abubakar Baba Abubakar

Death d inevitable has visited one of us! Som1 dat was seen, strong nd healthy yesterday is no mor 2day! Dis is a reminder we shall all taste it.... Pls abdulazeez needs our prayers! May Allah swt grant him Aljanatul firdausi! RIP brother

Fhavoryt Oyiwoja

like an angel on assignment, he touched us all. R.I.P, ABDULAZEEZ

Anthonio Okeke

Oh death! Were lies ur power? U took his life but his memories live on. We'll miss u Abdulazeez

X-boi Dona

accept ma condolence.....mascom family....so sad.....a friend indeed was he.....i neva knew dat practicum stuf wil b d last tin da wil bring us 2geda....adieu...n may ur gentle soul rest in perfect peace....

Habibat Salawudeen

when we sat 2geda in klas yestday, if anyone had told me dat wld be d last tym we will not only receive lectures 2geda bt also d last I will ever see u, I wld nevr ve believed it. Its still lyk a dream. 
I pray dat Allah forgives ur sins and make u among d dwellers of Jannah. Ameen

Fausy Junaid

I find it hard 2 get it straight. Innalillahi wa inna ilaihi raji'unn. May Allah av mercy on u Bro. Abdulazeez

Zainab Idris

U wr luvd den nd nw u ar luvd nd missd.tyms nd memories we use 2 take 4 granted is wat we wish we hav nw.R.I.P ma dear frnd may Aljanna firdaus b ur final abode

Shenkes Stones

Wat more can i say dan "rest in peace" our dearest course mate may ur gentle soul continue 2 rest in d bossom of d lord until we meet to part no more.......

Oyata Ocheje

Wat more can i say dan "rest in peace" our dearest course mate may ur gentle soul continue 2 rest in d bossom of d lord until we meet to part no more.......

Juwon Ajiboye

#RIP_Abdul tho' it Still feels lyk i'll jst come to class 2mao see u,hug u, tease u nd look 4 ur trouble and thank God it waz jst a night mare...but even so rest well...

Theresa Bitrus

This life is all vanity,we will give acct of our lives one day pls let's live a good life,God I can't bliv u r gone we will miss u so much. RIP ABDULHAZEEZ

Fagbola Simbiat Mojibola

Ha,abdulazeez.I cnt still believe all dis.u'v alwz bin nice wit m evn wen I act naughty.he's a nice fellow,humble,respectful,undastandin&noble.may Allah grant u Al-jannah fridous&give us d hrt 2 bear dis loss.aw I wish u cud jst cum back so I cn tell u aw much I love u.rest in peace.#sobs#

Kabiru Danladi Lawanti

He always meet me in the office or first thing in the morning as I open my car, bow and in his usual mannerism would say 'Salam Malam how is your family' and usually I reply with 'they are ok today'. Sometimes he would follow me and start discussing the problems of Nigeria. Our last encounter was on Tuesday when he met me in the office and said 'Sir I cannot fail 311, I know what I did'. I said Abdul go and write. That was our last conversation. A nice fellow, intelligent, religious and full of dreams. We will all miss you. May Allah accept your good deed and forgive your shortcomings. Good bye.

TRIBUTE TO Abdulquadir Azeez

TRIBUTE TO MY DEAR FRIEND AND BROTHER

by Kemmy Udom

AbdulAzeez AbdulQuadir U10MM1161

Dude, when the news of your demise reach me this morning, I just waved it aside, calling it, “ a huge joke in high place” but when the reality dawned on me, I couldn’t but marvelled on the essence of life?
Why still contemplating if to write this piece, I remembered that it will be too bad of me if I do not honour you. I can’t but remember the good, bad and ugly times we shared, one that even made people to wonder what brought us together and made us become very close pals, despite our difference in faith. I can vividly remember how our journey to friendship began, I remember meeting you then in our 100 level, one morning as we were trying to tidy up Mallam A.B.Umar’s MCOM 108: African Communication System, our first baptising of fire (assignment), and going through your work and telling you my view on the work and you giving me the mandate by handing over your system to me, to effect the necessary changes.
What else should I say? I can’t forget you doing all my assignments for me when I did not resume school for half of our 2nd semester 200level due to health ground. What more should I say, is it how we plan to write professional examination together? Is it your encouraging words about not giving up despite the hard times?
The world is truly a stage where every mortal would pass through, what truly counts at the end of the day is how you live and spend each day as stated in the Holy Bible (Psalm 90:12). Despite your few days on this plane, your achievements and character speaks volume for you, that is why am comforted.
You left behind your family, colleagues and friends, without a moment to say goodbye. You left with your dreams unfulfilled. Today, the world mourns your exit. I pray for the repose of your soul, rest well dear friend and brother. I will miss you….

ADDRESS BY PRESIDENT GOODLUCK EBELE JONATHAN, GCFR

ADDRESS BY PRESIDENT GOODLUCK EBELE JONATHAN, GCFR

ON THE DECLARATION OF A STATE OF EMERGENCY IN BORNO, YOBE AND ADAMAWA STATES IN ORDER TO RESTORE PUBLIC ORDER, PUBLIC SAFETY AND SECURITY IN THE AFFECTED STATES OF THE FEDERATION

MAY 14, 2013

Dear compatriots,

1.    It has become necessary for me to address you on the recent spate of terrorist activities and protracted security challenges in some parts of the country, particularly in Borno, Yobe, Adamawa, Gombe, Bauchi, Kano, Plateau and most recently Bayelsa, Taraba, Benue and Nasarawa states.  These unfortunate events have led to needless loss of lives and property of many innocent Nigerians including members of our security forces.

2.   The recent killing of security operatives by a cult group in Nasarawa state is particularly condemnable. I have directed that no effort or expense be spared in identifying and bringing to justice all those who had a hand in the killing of the operatives.

3.   The activities of insurgents and terrorists have been reprehensible, causing fear among our citizens and a near-breakdown of law and order in parts of the country, especially the North. We have taken robust steps to unravel and address the root causes of these crises, but it would appear that there is a systematic effort by insurgents and terrorists to destabilize the Nigerian state and test our collective resolve.

 4.  Since I returned to the country after cutting short my visit to South Africa and aborting a planned state visit to Namibia, I have received detailed briefings from our security agencies. These briefings indicate that what we are facing is not just militancy or criminality, but a rebellion and insurgency by terrorist groups which pose a very serious threat to national unity and territorial integrity. Already, some northern parts of Borno state have been taken over by groups whose allegiance is to different flags and ideologies.

5.   These terrorists and insurgents seem determined to establish control and authority over parts of our beloved nation and to progressively overwhelm the rest of the country. In many places, they have destroyed the Nigerian flag and other symbols of state authority and in their place, hoisted strange flags suggesting the exercise of alternative sovereignty.

6.  They have attacked government buildings and facilities. They have murdered innocent citizens and state officials. They have set houses ablaze, and taken women and children as hostages. These actions amount to a declaration of war and a deliberate attempt to undermine the authority of the Nigerian state and threaten her territorial integrity. As a responsible government, we will not tolerate this.

7.  Previously, we adopted a multi-track approach to the resolution of this problem through actions which included persuasion, dialogue and widespread consultation with the political, religious and community leaders in the affected states.

8.  We exercised restraint to allow for all efforts by both State Governors and well-meaning Nigerians to stop the repeated cases of mindless violence.

9.  Yet, the insurgents and terrorists seek to prevent government from fulfilling its constitutional obligations to the people as they pursue their fanatical agenda of mayhem, mass murder, division and separatism.

10. While the efforts at persuasion and dialogue will continue, let me reiterate that we have a sacred duty to ensure the security and well-being of all our people and protect the sovereign integrity of our country. Therefore, we shall, on no account, shy away from doing whatever becomes necessary to provide the fullest possible security for the citizens of this country in any part of the country they choose to reside.

11. We have a duty to stand firm against those who threaten the sovereign integrity of the Nigerian state. Our will is strong, because our faith lies in the indivisibility of Nigeria.

12.                      Following recent developments in the affected states, it has become necessary for Government to take extraordinary measures to restore normalcy. After wide consultations, and in exercise of the powers conferred on me by the provisions of Section 305, sub-section 1 of the Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria 1999 as amended, I hereby declare a State of Emergency in Borno, Yobe and Adamawa states.

13.  Accordingly, the Chief of Defence Staff has been directed to immediately deploy more troops to these states for more effective internal security operations. The troops and other security agencies involved in these operations have orders to take all necessary action, within the ambit of their rules of engagement, to put an end to the impunity of insurgents and terrorists.

14. This will include the authority to arrest and detain suspects, the taking of possession and control of any building or structure used for terrorist purposes, the lock-down of any area of terrorist operation, the conduct of searches, and the apprehension of persons in illegal possession of weapons.

15.                       The details of this Proclamation will be transmitted to the National Assembly in accordance with the provisions of the Constitution. But in the meantime, let me make it clear that within the purview of this Proclamation, the Governors and other political office holders in the affected states will continue to discharge their constitutional responsibilities.

16.                     I urge the political leadership in Borno, Yobe and Adamawa states to co-operate maximally with the Armed Forces and the Police to ensure that the exercise succeeds. We call on the citizenry to co-operate with our security agencies to ensure a return to normalcy within the shortest possible time.

17.                        I am again approaching our neighbouring countries, through diplomatic channels, as done in the recent past, for their co-operation in apprehending any terrorist elements that may escape across the border.

18.                      Nigerians are peace-loving people; these sad events perpetrated by those who do not wish our nation well have not changed the essential character of our people.

19. I want to reassure you all that those who are directly or indirectly encouraging any form of rebellion against the Nigerian state, and their collaborators; those insurgents and terrorists who take delight in killing our security operatives, whoever they may be, wherever they may go, we will hunt them down, we will fish them out, and we will bring them to justice. No matter what it takes, we will win this war against terror.

20.I am convinced that with your support and prayers, we shall overcome these challenges and together, we will restore every part of our country to the path of peace, growth and development.

Long live the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

ADDRESS BY PRESIDENT GOODLUCK EBELE JONATHAN, GCFR

ADDRESS BY PRESIDENT GOODLUCK EBELE JONATHAN, GCFR

ON THE DECLARATION OF A STATE OF EMERGENCY IN BORNO, YOBE AND ADAMAWA STATES IN ORDER TO RESTORE PUBLIC ORDER, PUBLIC SAFETY AND SECURITY IN THE AFFECTED STATES OF THE FEDERATION

MAY 14, 2013

Dear compatriots,

1.    It has become necessary for me to address you on the recent spate of terrorist activities and protracted security challenges in some parts of the country, particularly in Borno, Yobe, Adamawa, Gombe, Bauchi, Kano, Plateau and most recently Bayelsa, Taraba, Benue and Nasarawa states.  These unfortunate events have led to needless loss of lives and property of many innocent Nigerians including members of our security forces.

2.   The recent killing of security operatives by a cult group in Nasarawa state is particularly condemnable. I have directed that no effort or expense be spared in identifying and bringing to justice all those who had a hand in the killing of the operatives.

3.   The activities of insurgents and terrorists have been reprehensible, causing fear among our citizens and a near-breakdown of law and order in parts of the country, especially the North. We have taken robust steps to unravel and address the root causes of these crises, but it would appear that there is a systematic effort by insurgents and terrorists to destabilize the Nigerian state and test our collective resolve.

 4.  Since I returned to the country after cutting short my visit to South Africa and aborting a planned state visit to Namibia, I have received detailed briefings from our security agencies. These briefings indicate that what we are facing is not just militancy or criminality, but a rebellion and insurgency by terrorist groups which pose a very serious threat to national unity and territorial integrity. Already, some northern parts of Borno state have been taken over by groups whose allegiance is to different flags and ideologies.

5.   These terrorists and insurgents seem determined to establish control and authority over parts of our beloved nation and to progressively overwhelm the rest of the country. In many places, they have destroyed the Nigerian flag and other symbols of state authority and in their place, hoisted strange flags suggesting the exercise of alternative sovereignty.

6.  They have attacked government buildings and facilities. They have murdered innocent citizens and state officials. They have set houses ablaze, and taken women and children as hostages. These actions amount to a declaration of war and a deliberate attempt to undermine the authority of the Nigerian state and threaten her territorial integrity. As a responsible government, we will not tolerate this.

7.  Previously, we adopted a multi-track approach to the resolution of this problem through actions which included persuasion, dialogue and widespread consultation with the political, religious and community leaders in the affected states.

8.  We exercised restraint to allow for all efforts by both State Governors and well-meaning Nigerians to stop the repeated cases of mindless violence.

9.  Yet, the insurgents and terrorists seek to prevent government from fulfilling its constitutional obligations to the people as they pursue their fanatical agenda of mayhem, mass murder, division and separatism.

10. While the efforts at persuasion and dialogue will continue, let me reiterate that we have a sacred duty to ensure the security and well-being of all our people and protect the sovereign integrity of our country. Therefore, we shall, on no account, shy away from doing whatever becomes necessary to provide the fullest possible security for the citizens of this country in any part of the country they choose to reside.

11. We have a duty to stand firm against those who threaten the sovereign integrity of the Nigerian state. Our will is strong, because our faith lies in the indivisibility of Nigeria.

12.                      Following recent developments in the affected states, it has become necessary for Government to take extraordinary measures to restore normalcy. After wide consultations, and in exercise of the powers conferred on me by the provisions of Section 305, sub-section 1 of the Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria 1999 as amended, I hereby declare a State of Emergency in Borno, Yobe and Adamawa states.

13.  Accordingly, the Chief of Defence Staff has been directed to immediately deploy more troops to these states for more effective internal security operations. The troops and other security agencies involved in these operations have orders to take all necessary action, within the ambit of their rules of engagement, to put an end to the impunity of insurgents and terrorists.

14. This will include the authority to arrest and detain suspects, the taking of possession and control of any building or structure used for terrorist purposes, the lock-down of any area of terrorist operation, the conduct of searches, and the apprehension of persons in illegal possession of weapons.

15.                       The details of this Proclamation will be transmitted to the National Assembly in accordance with the provisions of the Constitution. But in the meantime, let me make it clear that within the purview of this Proclamation, the Governors and other political office holders in the affected states will continue to discharge their constitutional responsibilities.

16.                     I urge the political leadership in Borno, Yobe and Adamawa states to co-operate maximally with the Armed Forces and the Police to ensure that the exercise succeeds. We call on the citizenry to co-operate with our security agencies to ensure a return to normalcy within the shortest possible time.

17.                        I am again approaching our neighbouring countries, through diplomatic channels, as done in the recent past, for their co-operation in apprehending any terrorist elements that may escape across the border.

18.                      Nigerians are peace-loving people; these sad events perpetrated by those who do not wish our nation well have not changed the essential character of our people.

19. I want to reassure you all that those who are directly or indirectly encouraging any form of rebellion against the Nigerian state, and their collaborators; those insurgents and terrorists who take delight in killing our security operatives, whoever they may be, wherever they may go, we will hunt them down, we will fish them out, and we will bring them to justice. No matter what it takes, we will win this war against terror.

20.I am convinced that with your support and prayers, we shall overcome these challenges and together, we will restore every part of our country to the path of peace, growth and development.

Long live the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

THE COMPLICATES OF LOVE (POEM) By SIMON SUMI TAFIDA

THE COMPLICATES OF LOVE (POEM)

By SIMON SUMI TAFIDA

Love is such a tornado!

It is such a storm

It takes away the power

of every life form

Everyone in love is crazed

and dazed because it’s dazzling and charming

Love makes it “difficult”

But yet! It’s all easy in love

Difficulty is its way of earning

It assassinates the nature

of the heart

With love, no clock nor anti-clock wise

running; because it agitates not in conclusion.

Look at these visions,

These love-sick souls

These smoking coals!

Look at the follies of love

The woes of my heart

Having glimpsed you,

It’s like a magical spell

What can I say? So spectacular!

The heart is but a

traveller and you are the

Oasis it seeks

The heart is only but a

canoe and you are its

Bank with mystique

Oh! What then can the heart

desire, if it has you?

My heart is a lonely and

longing palace, but lovely

Oh come! I need your light

and sparkly cheers

But so love varies!

And has the power to destroy

No halter! It is its own

limitation, but frees one like

the skies in the land and jungles

of  love; like millions of dream each day

Lucky are those who get lost

For love has shown them the way

Yes! My heart is going insane but

You are its only balm

Why is my heart all aflutter?

Tell me, what is the matter?

Let your perfume waft

over and find me

Let your hair rain their

dark clouds over me for

I shall strengthen ahead to my destiny.

                                                

LOVE; WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW

by Anita Cleopatra Ethan

Anita Cleopatra Ethan

May be you have been in many serious relationship, but for some unknown reason, you realize that you have never been able to close the main deal. You have shifted blames, asked yourself questions, pleaded and even cried but to no avail, now you have concluded that the world we live in is a crazy mixed up world especially as it concerns relationships.

          There are expectations that we all have when starting a new relationship. Most of these expectations are selfish, unknowingly to us. At first you try to live your dating life like in the movies where everything is rosy almost all the time. But as time passes by and the reality of dating hit you, you realize that you are not getting what you thought you would be getting from the relationship. At this point, you start to analyze things from different angles, especially negatively. You start to think that your spouse is changing in character, or the love you once had is diminishing. But surprisingly to your hearing I have discovered that you and your spouse failed to follow the laws of relationship.

          In other words, there are laws of dating, just as there are laws of nature, laws of gravity and laws of science. I realized that if you and your spouse had kept to this laws/commandment, your relationship would’ve lasted for eternity.

          Some things just don’t change, in order for you to get the best outcome; they’ll have to remain the same.

          You will quite agree with me that there is something about love and attraction that is difficult to explain, and also that we cannot reduce the success of a relationship to mere logic. But, there is a disturbing relationship trend among youths in our society. They leave everything to fate, instead of realizing that the success of anything doesn’t come easy.

          To begin with, if you invest all your energy and especially all your self-esteem into a relationship, you wouldn’t have a life. For you to have a successful relationship, you must “get a life”. Do not ever put yourself in a position whereby your entire self-worth is wrapped up in someone else. When you do this, you have put your career, interest, friends and even your relationship with God on hold. This person becomes your life, so without your sweet heart you’ll have no life.

          When you have a life, you wouldn’t need a date or relationship to make you feel good about yourself. People with life bring so much energy and positivism to their relationship, and do not depend on their spouse for all their emotional needs. When you don’t have a life, you’ll drain your dating partner and slowly frustrate him/her.

          Get grounded in something, become goal oriented, and start giving more love than demanding. Also, it is imperative to know that we should use our brains. Infatuation is not love, what account would you give, when it’s almost too late and you realize that you’re in a relationship driven by raw emotions. The key to avoiding this is to using your head in the matters of the heart. I know that in our today society, we are confused about love. But let’s face it, romantic love has little or nothing in fact to do with real love.

          Romantic love is that initial attraction, excitement, allure, mystery, passion and obsession. But real love on the other hand is about two people who are enduring, caring about each other’s welfare and providing a scene of security. Romantic love is an official sponsor of madness and thus cannot bear the weight of life’s stresses.

          Not to get it wrong, I love and think romance is normal and can be healthy to energy relationship. As a matter of fact, that puppy love stage is actually sweet. But we should not allow it to dominate or be the foundation of the relationship, in using your brain, you must balance your head and your heart, restore in from physical intimacy (do not answer to your hormones, analyze your past relationships, evaluate issues every time they occur).

          Another truth also to take note of is that of the illusion of “opposite attracts”. It is true that opposites do attract but also true that because they are not the same, they can never team up to withstand life’s difficulties. Most healthy relationships are the ones in which the partners have lots of a similarities. It is very wrong for you to be drawn to an emotionally sick and dying person with the excuse that you have enough love for the both of you. It is almost always wrong for you to give all yourself to someone who does have even felt little of the feelings that you have for them. In this case you began to play the mother Theresa role .Whereby it becomes your duty to nurse the emotionally sick person back to life. These emotionally sick persons could be drug addicts, alcoholics or sex addicts. They are not answerable to God, have no love for their partners. Their hearts lies with the addiction. You are supposed to be a partner in a relationship not a missionary, surrogate parent, nurse, nor a shrink. So move on.

          Love is not running, busy or tired. It does not have an expiry date, neither is it getting old and weary; so slow down! What is it that compels people to rush things? Take it slow and get to know each other.

          You do not get to know a person within a short period of time. You need time to get along. Time to know likes and dislikes interests, short-term and long term goals.

          With marriages crashing up all over the place, wouldn’t you want to reduce the risk of yours ending up same? It is very necessary then that you know your partner very well. If you think you can know, a person’s true colors in three to six month then you’re either psychic or psycho. People pretend, but if you give it enough time, you will know exactly who a person is. Not taking things slow means you are simply applying the formula for shorter pleasure and long term pain. When you take time to know your spouse, it helps the both of you define your boundaries. Defining your boundaries means stating clearly your preferences, likes, dislikes, “do’s and don’ts”, what you can tolerate and what you can’t. You do this in order not to let the other person run over you, and also not to keep hurting each other.

Setting your boundaries and taking it slow also works. If you know your spouse well enough, you’ll also know what upsets him or her. Thus, you’ll know at what point to draw the line.

          There are so many ways in which you think your partner’s crossing his boundaries. One of which is ensuring that your yes is yes and your no is no, a solid and rigid well defined point of view of yours in a given issue will help your partner understand that, he/she has reached the line. Setting boundaries might seem as if you are shutting your partner up, but it is not so. If you maturely communicate it to your partner, there will be no room for misunderstanding to arise. In setting your boundaries, you must make it clear that you are not building a wall to isolate or keep your spouse out, you are only setting perimeters for your own safety. Also note that setting boundaries means you have to take responsibility for yourself, your thoughts, your emotions and your actions. Your spouse might make it appear that he/she is responsible for you. It’s a lie, with time he/she will become frustrated and drained. He or she will begin to see your needs as a burden. It is necessary to take responsibility of yourself without ignoring your partners feeling.

          I oppose to the saying that boundaries are controlling and manipulative. They are ferrate lines that liberate you from being controlled and manipulated by your spouse. They are a means through which your choices can be respected. Love doesn't just happen, it is a personal decision we make subconsciously, if you have chosen to love someone and you want to enjoy that love in return, you must choose also to think and act logically.