Making the First Move

by Nankling Sati Dafel

       

It takes a man to be able to ask a girl out without shivering and stammering; and if I am to ask guys one of their memorable experiences, this will not be left out. To most guys, the day they were able to summon courage to ask a lady out was one of the remarkable days of their life. History had made us to understand that decades ago the ability to ask a lady out was a criterion for distinguishing men by name from real men. Men who could face a giant congregation and speak courageously could not do that when it comes to speaking with a lady; it was this much over the years.

   

Over the years, guys who could not ask girls out will rather meet the parent of the girl and respectfully declare their intention or their friend would help speak on their behalf. Different approaches where used by guys in different societies to make their intent known to the ladies without them having to speak directly. For example, a guy will remove the ladies scarf indicating he is in love with her, if she goes to get her scarf back, it means she is in love with him too. This was because to them it was a very challenging task for a guy to first meet a lady and say his intention. Some guys who may decide to meet the girl directly but do not have such guts end up shivering and turning the discussion into endless greetings.

    Research has shown that ladies in those days were highly respected, scarce and difficult to be convinced. In essence, they were of good morals and would not afford to spend their time on useless issues. In most cases, the ladies turned off the guys request in an aggressive and embarrassing manner and some even go to the extent of pouring water on the guys. These I think were part of the major reasons why the guys then finds it a challenging task to ask the ladies out.

     With the advancement in social life, this is not an issue in the minds of guys today. A guy could walk up to a lady at any time of the day and ask her out and some of the guys will even ask a lady out on phone without having to walk up to the lady face to face. What a change! It may be that the guys we have today are more bold and more out spoken than the ones we have today or perhaps the ladies of today are opposite of the ones then.

   Today, reverse is even the case. It is not about the guys asking the ladies out like eating three square meals, but it is a competition between the guys and the ladies of who will ask each other out. After all what a man can do a woman can do better; but is this statement applicable in all situations especially in cases like this?

    In attempt to find out people’s views about the whole turn around, most of the opinions were that the guy should be the one to ask the lady out and he should even find difficulty in doing that. Accordingly, a decent girl is to wait for the guy to ask her out regardless of how and what she feels for him, and if he doesn’t, it simply implies they are not meant for each other.

    However, a few views provided that there is nothing wrong in a lady expressing her feelings to a guy, adding that there was no provision that specifies who would first walk up to the other. Adding to this was that there is no difference in social gender roles, therefore in as much as it pleases a lady she can ask a guy out.    

    I strongly believe that human beings value what they suffer to get than what they get at ease. Whichever view you may have concerning whom to make the first move, morality and sense of judgment should be your guiding principles.